Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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