We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
