I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
