i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Randomize
