Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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