Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
