walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
