if i died would you start the facebook group?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
