I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
