I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
