I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
