I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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