Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
this beer tastes like vomit already
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
