I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
