Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
