3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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