we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
