Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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