Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
