Whod you bang
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
