Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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