Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
