I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
