i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
They took my balls.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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