Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
