I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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