I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
