They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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