Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
