I am puke
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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