i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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