shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
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