now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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