Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
