When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
