Well douche your snatch and let's go!
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
