For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
