The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
