Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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