why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
