Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
