Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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