i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
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