so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
