the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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