i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
