i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Randomize
