Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
