All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
