I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
