Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
