I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
